Originally posted 02/01/04

Father, if I change religions do I get to see Janet Jackson's titty again?


"Ahmed, I am not sure our V-neck pullovers instill as
much fear in the infidels as the girl at Old Navy promised us."


In retrospect, it might not have been a good
idea for Howard Dean to list all the reasons
people shouldn’t vote for him and read them
aloud at every single campaign rally.



"Seriously, God. If you could just get one of the plastic
surgeons to confirm the botox thing… just one.
That’s all I’m asking."


Upon his arrest, singer James Brown shocked
the police present by saying, "You know what?
I, in fact, DO NOT feel good."


…And Justin Timberlake was never booed off a stage again…