Originally posted 08/27/2004

Would all candidates who are openly supported by the North Korean government please raise their hands?


And with this face finally revealed, we now know why Bill Clinton went outside of the marriage for oral sex.


No one was shocked to learn that Isaac was Al Sharpton’s favorite wacky character from TV’S Love Boat.


Ted Kennedy pauses, unable to stop imagining the ass raping he should be suffering this very moment in prison.


“I’m just a nursing student! I know nothing of Vulcan physiology!”


It was at this moment, with Turkey’s Seref Eroglu’s balls grinding into his forearm and Seref’s ass hovering just inches from his face, that Ukraine’s Armen Vardanyan realized that Greco-Roman wrestling was actually kind of gay.


Just in time for Christmas, Namco will release “Bitch Slap John Kerry” on the X-Box and PS2.


Britney Spears and fiancé Kevin Federline enjoyed a private moment together at the lake this week…


“Hey Mike! How many whole barbequed cows did you just eat??”


Robert De Niro takes a moment, stunned that I was, in fact, NOT talking to him.


“Okay! It’s not funny anymore Antonia! Give me my swimsuit back!”


Italy’s Andrea Pirlo found himself on the unfortunate receiving end of one of teammate Alberto Gilardino’s squishy Gyro farts.


“Okay, stop kidding around. Where did you guys hide the ball?”


Oh my God! Somebody ate Robert Smith!