Originally posted 10/09/2004

“Mmm. Now that’s good breast milk.”


Canadian Prime Minister Paul Martin got a real kick out of those Carrot Top ‘Dial ATT” commercials.


“No, I haven’t bathed since 2002. What’s your point?”


A heated exchange during the first presidential debate occurred when President Bush rebutted Democratic nominee John Kerry’s assertion “Fire bad!” with his masterful counterpoint, “No. Fire gooooood. Cook things. Make warm.”


“Uh, dude. Did you just sniff my hair?”


“My ridiculous cartoon-like contortions aren’t forcing people to make fun of me and everything I stand for. Instead, they’re all pointing and laughing because they want to vote for Kerry now! It’s all working according to plan!”


Seriously. Someone needs to sneak up behind Michael Stipe and hit him in the head with a shovel.


“Uh, Mr. Kerry? I hope to God that’s a kielbasa in your pocket.”


After her humiliating public defeat, Ohio school teacher Sally O’Brien told reporters that this will be the last time she challenges the leader of the free world to an arm wrestling match.


Sean Connery takes a second to drink in the moment, certain, at last, that he is indeed the man now, dogg.


Yeah, uh… go ahead and give me one more whole turkey. Ah, shit. Better make it two.


“Sigh… I wish I could offer someone wood.”


“Come here and pull my finger."_____ “Oh no. I’ll not fall for that again!"