Originally posted 10/22/2004

“So, uh, you gonna let me rub your nipples with a falafel or what?”


As usual, all Australian soccer player Shane Warner wanted after his third line of cocaine was a healthy dose of man-ass.


Sergio thought to himself, “At last, I now know why I got into bull fighting.”


Teresa Heinz Kerry, moments before she drunkenly removed her shirt and blinded three fourths of Ohio.


“Yes. Four more of dese and I might be able to touch John’s penis wi-dout vomiting.”


Pele' had heard enough of John Kerry’s bullshit.


“Dude, can you believe that Red Sox comeback?”


“Donna. Your husband, Christopher Reeve, has just died. You’re also incredibly wealthy. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Will you marry me?”


“Not only will I use taxpayer money to fund abortions. We’re going to fund other elective surgeries as well. What good is the right to have giant, milk-filled, D-cup titties, if one cannot afford giant milk-filled, D-Cup titties?”